I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
