I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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