peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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