I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
