Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
