omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
