I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So much rum. So many feels.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
