she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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