You just made me feel so damn special
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
