i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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