her vagine was all disorganized.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
