What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
