If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
