Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize