***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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