If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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