If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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