the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
