So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize