Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
40s are totally the cure
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
