Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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