my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize