On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
