He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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