the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
