i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
