dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
