just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I could fuck to npr.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize