Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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