it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
