that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
