and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
