The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
