so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
