i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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