why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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