im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
