Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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