Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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