think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
