sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
