Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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