Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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