dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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