I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
