i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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