dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
