I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
