I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
