apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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