What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
