My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
