yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize