Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
