We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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