Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
