I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
