im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
