I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
