Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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