And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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