i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
