I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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