let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
